Bouncing Back From Adversity Through Owning Our Story

Tamara Fyke wrote this column in June 2021 as schools prepared to return to in-person learning after the pandemic, encouraging adults and children to name, frame, process and share their stories. The section below, added in 2026, adds what national guidance says about helping children process trauma and where qualified help fits.

Right now, students, families, and educators are breathing a sigh of relief. We made it through the pandemic. Many schools are planning on returning to in-person learning in the fall. It seems like we are returning to “normal.” But are we? Let’s talk about bouncing back from adversity through owning our story.

Whether we want to admit it or not, we are forever changed as individuals, organizations, and communities by COVID. We now realize our vulnerability to unseen plagues and adaptability to unpredictable circumstances. More than that, we have experienced our strength and resilience – the ability to bounce back despite adversity.

However, in our haste for the familiar, we could miss an important step – owning our story.

Each of us has a story to tell, not just about our struggles and victories during the global trauma but also about the myriad of challenges we have faced across our lifetime – adoption, divorce, learning differences, racism – you name it.

Yes, the first step is naming it. Name that big, bad, ugly thing that you have kept hidden. Speak it out loud to someone you trust. Let them hear it and hold you as you weep.

Then frame it. Put that trauma within the context of your life. What was the impact of that event? How did it change the way you see yourself? How did it impact the way you interact with others?

Process it. How do you feel about your story? Are you sad, angry, scared, embarrassed, or relieved? Whatever you feel is okay. Identifying your emotions brings release – freedom. The big, bad, ugly no longer controls you.

Remember that naming, framing, and processing can be ongoing for weeks, months, or years. Take your time. There is no rush. The goal is healing.

Next, share it. Whether you choose to write, speak, paint, draw, sing, or dance, let your story be heard. Chances are your story is similar to someone else’s, and giving voice to it will give them the courage to do their own work.

Our stories are powerful tools for building connections. When we own our story, we increase our capacity for compassion for the adults and children in our world. Instead of hiding behind the “shoulds” that provide a false sense of order, we can embrace the beautiful mess and discover we are not alone.

Collectively, we have lived in a state of trauma for the past 18 months. Now let the healing begin. Then and only then can we grow. I don’t want to return to “normal”; I want to live the extraordinary.

Tips for helping children own their story

• Draw or write about the big, bad thing that happened.
• Draw or write about what happened before and after the big, bad thing.
• Draw or write how it makes you feel.
• Share your story with a caring adult or friend with whom you feel safe.
• Repeat as necessary.

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Helping children process trauma: what schools and families can do

The column above describes a four-step way for people to own their story: name it, frame it, process it and share it, with drawing and writing activities for children. Helping children process trauma is also the subject of long-standing guidance from the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN), a network of academic and community centers created by Congress in 2000. Its Child Trauma Toolkit for Educators, published in October 2008 with funding from the federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, is written for teachers and is still a clear starting point. This section sets out what the toolkit advises, where it supports the column, and where adults should take care. It is general information, and a child who is struggling should be seen by a qualified professional.

What national guidance says schools can do

The toolkit states that one out of every four children attending school has been exposed to a traumatic event that can affect learning or behavior, and that trauma can show up as lower grades, more absences, and difficulty with concentration and memory. It also says that some children recover within a few weeks or months with support, while others need more help over a longer period. Its suggestions for educators include:

• Keep usual routines, since a return to normal tells a child that life will go on and the child is safe.
• Give children some choices where it is appropriate, because traumatic events often involve a loss of control.
• Designate an adult who can offer extra support.
• Provide a safe place and a set time for a child to talk about what happened, and give simple, realistic answers to the child’s questions.
• Set clear limits with logical, not punitive, consequences, and remember that even very disruptive behavior can be driven by anxiety linked to trauma.
• Prepare for reminders, such as anniversaries, and warn children before doing something out of the ordinary, such as turning off the lights.
• Protect the child from classmates’ curiosity, and protect classmates from the details of the child’s experience.

Several of these match the column’s approach. A set time to talk, a caring adult and a calm routine are all part of the toolkit, as is the column’s point that healing takes time and has no fixed schedule. The final point on the toolkit’s list is a useful check on the “share it” step. Fyke encourages sharing a story as a way to connect with others, and the toolkit adds that a child should be protected from peers’ curiosity, so a teacher using the activities should make sharing optional, begin with a trusted adult and not require a child to read or show a drawing to the class.

Using drawing and writing activities carefully

The toolkit lists drawing the event repeatedly among the reactions that young children may show after trauma, and it notes that children cope by re-enacting what happened. Drawing and writing can therefore help a child express feelings, and they can also stir up distress. An adult using them can plan for that by letting the child stop at any time, staying nearby, and telling the school counselor beforehand when a child is known to have had a serious experience. These are practical judgments, not requirements stated in the toolkit.

When to seek professional help

The toolkit tells educators to give referrals for additional help when a child’s reactions are severe, such as intense hopelessness or fear, or last for a long time (it gives more than one month) and interfere with the child’s functioning. It adds that severity can be hard to judge, and that a child who appears to be fine, for example one who performs well academically, may be struggling, so educators should not wait to be certain before making a referral. The guide for parents in the same toolkit advises consulting a qualified mental health professional if a child’s distress continues for several weeks and asking the school for a referral. If a child appears to be in immediate danger, parents and teachers should contact emergency services and follow the school’s own crisis procedure.

What the research evidence can and cannot say

The popularity of the phrase trauma-informed schools can give the impression that the approach is proven. A 2019 systematic review in Campbell Systematic Reviews, by Brandy Maynard and colleagues, searched for rigorous studies of trauma-informed approaches in schools and, after screening 9,102 references, found none that met its standard, which required a randomized or quasi-experimental design. The authors concluded that there is not yet evidence to know whether the approach works, advised leaders to move cautiously and to evaluate as they go, and noted that schools can use programs with evidence for reducing trauma symptoms without waiting. They also asked schools to describe clearly what they do under the trauma-informed label. Newer reviews may have appeared since 2019, so leaders should check for them. For related work on children’s emotional skills, see edCircuit’s Social-Emotional Learning Guide.

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